At Onyx Dragon, we pride ourselves on being a holistic haven for teas, trinkets, and the occasional existential crisis. But every so often, we get a customer who challenges our limits—not just in retail, but in physics, legality, and superhero lore.
Today’s adventure began innocently enough:
“Hi! I have a question.”
Ah, yes. The digital version of someone sidling up to your market stall with the manic energy of someone who’s either had six Red Bulls or owns a 3D printer and too much free time.
“What is the smoke radius of your bath bombs?”
This is where the alarm bells start ringing. Not the gentle chime of a Tibetan singing bowl, mind you—the “this person is about to try to weaponize lavender and patchouli” sort of alarm.
Naturally, they explained the context:
“Considering using them as part of my costume for Batman.”
Right. Because when I think Gotham’s shadowy vigilante, I think eucalyptus-scented fizz clouds. Batman, crouched atop a skyscraper, dropping fizzy citrus vengeance onto criminals below.
Now, despite our inner curiosity (and deep, deep concern), we had to legally remind them:
“I couldn’t legally encourage their use outside their intended use.”
Which, translated, means: “Please don’t make the Health & Safety Executive send me emails with the subject line ‘Exploding Chamomile’.”
But did that stop our determined inventor of bubble-based warfare? No.
“Okay that’s fair. Is it possible you could test a few to be destroyed?”
Oh, my dear fizzy anarchist, we admire your dedication. But alas, we cannot partake in science experiments that end with us on a government watchlist. Even if it is for the Green Goblin.
The ideas kept coming, like a Marvel-DC fever dream:
- Gun-shaped bath bombs (James Bond-style)
- Gauntlets (presumably for a foamy Thanos)
- Hints of red armour (Iron Man, but in a spa robe)
We gently declined each, but we’ll admit: it was an oddly inspiring customer chat. Not every day someone wants to turn your ethical bath products into superhero accessories and possibly a one-man Broadway adaptation of The Avengers: Spa Wars.
We hope he finds what he’s looking for, ideally somewhere not managed by a nervous holistic shop owner clutching a lavender-scented clipboard.
Stay safe out there, heroes. And please—keep the bath bombs in the bath.
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