We’ve all been there. You’ve just answered a perfectly reasonable question, and then—BAM!—it’s like a glitch in the matrix. Someone asks you the exact same thing again, as if your previous answer didn’t exist. Now, for neurotypical folks, this might seem like a harmless query, but for an autistic person? It’s like being stuck in a loop of déjà vu and increasing levels of frustration. So, let’s talk about why autistics absolutely hate being asked the same question more than once—and how you can avoid triggering a full-on meltdown in the process.
1. The Repetition Monster
Imagine you’ve just answered a question, and you’re about to move on with your life. But then, without warning, someone hits the repeat button. Your brain goes into overdrive, trying to figure out whether you answered incorrectly, if they didn’t understand, or—worse—if you somehow gave the wrong answer. It’s like a never-ending loop of confusion that no one signed up for. So, when you ask the same question again, don’t be surprised if they look at you like you’ve just asked them to solve a Rubik’s Cube… blindfolded.
And here’s the thing: if an autistic person is asked the same question repeatedly, don’t be surprised if the same answer is given over and over, too. It’s not that we’re ignoring you, we’re just trying to make sure our response matches what we’ve already said—because, well, that’s how we were trained to communicate.
Pro Tip: If you want a clear answer, ask once and be done. The universe will thank you.
2. The Anxiety Avalanche
For many autistics, anxiety isn’t just a feeling—it’s a full-on avalanche of thoughts and worries. Did I answer that right? Did they hear me? What if they didn’t understand my response? Asking the same question over and over might sound like a minor thing to you, but for them, it’s like an emotional landslide. You’ve just triggered their “Did I mess up?” switch, and now they’re in full-on panic mode.
Pro Tip: Be patient, and give them a moment to process their answer before you ask again. It’ll save you both a lot of trouble.
3. The “Do You Not Believe Me?” Dilemma
Autistics are very particular about how we communicate. So, when you ask the same question multiple times, it can feel like you’re not taking our answer seriously. It’s like being caught in a conversation where someone keeps questioning your honesty—except, we didn’t lie in the first place. The repetition starts to feel like a subtle accusation that we didn’t get it right the first time. This can make us feel invalidated and, let’s face it, no one likes being made to feel like they’re not being heard.
Pro Tip: If you don’t understand the answer, try asking for clarification rather than repeating the question. It’s much kinder and far less likely to lead to an existential crisis.
4. The “Do You Not Get It?” Problem
Now, here’s where things get really tricky. Many autistic people might struggle with picking up on nuances or hidden meanings in a question. This means that when you ask us something, we’re probably taking your words literally, and not catching any subtle cues you might be dropping. So, if you want a specific answer, you really need to ask a specific question. General or vague questions can make us feel like we’re missing something we’re supposed to understand—and we don’t like that feeling. If you want a clear-cut answer, be crystal clear with your question.
Pro Tip: Be specific! If you want a specific answer, ask a specific question. It helps us give you the exact response you need without any guesswork or frustration.
5. Don’t Use Body Language as a Substitute
Here’s another fun fact: autistics don’t always pick up on body language. So, when you stand there asking a question, nodding your head like a bobblehead, and then look surprised when you don’t get the answer you expect, we’re probably wondering why you’re moving your head around like that. It’s not that we don’t understand the question—it’s just that we don’t always understand the non-verbal cues that might be attached to it. If you’re waiting for a specific response, it’s much more helpful to just ask directly rather than hoping we’ll read your mind via your head nodding.
Pro Tip: Stick to words. We like words. If you want something specific, say it. If you want a yes, ask for a yes. Simple, right?
6. Routine? What Routine?
Autistics love routines, and when that routine gets disrupted by the same question being asked repeatedly, it feels like the entire universe has fallen apart. Our brains thrive on order, and when you throw the same question at us like a surprise party we didn’t RSVP to, it can throw us off balance. Now we’re not only answering your question, but also trying to regain our mental footing.
Pro Tip: Stick to the plan! If you’ve got the answer, then move on. If you need more info, a clear follow-up works better than endless repetition.
7. How to Save Yourself from a Meltdown
So, what can you do to avoid triggering an unnecessary meltdown or making things worse? Here’s your cheat sheet:
- Listen the first time: Just because you didn’t quite hear the answer doesn’t mean we didn’t give one.
- Be clear and specific: If you need clarification, ask for it directly, but don’t ask for the same answer twice.
- Be patient: We process information in our own time. Rushing us with repeated questions is a recipe for disaster.
- Don’t make it personal: Repetition isn’t about you, it’s about how our brains work. So don’t take it personally if we snap.
In Conclusion
Next time you ask an autistic person a question, remember: the universe of questions is vast and infinite, but repetition is not your friend. Be clear, concise, and patient, and you’ll save yourself from any awkwardness or confusion. Because let’s be real—no one wants to find themselves stuck in a loop of “What?” “What?” “What?” when they can simply move on to a new, far more interesting topic.
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