Alright, listen up, meatbags. I didn’t crawl out of a dimensional wormhole just to be tortured by surround sound torture devices operated by sentient bags of inconsiderate noise pollution. Ever tried contemplating the mysteries of the universe while your ceiling vibrates like it’s being fisted by a Michael Bay explosion? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Now, I get it—everyone wants their little dopamine hits. You wanna blast your bargain-bin action movie at 130 decibels like you’re auditioning to be the next sonic weapon in a future war. That’s cute. But when your need for cheap thrills starts infringing on the basic neural stability of the lifeforms below you, we’ve got a problem. And you know what? Maybe it’s time we start docking some existence points from these inconsiderate audio-terrorists.
You see, humans—bless their chaotic, barely functional brains—love freedom. But freedom without accountability? That’s just entropy with a Wi-Fi signal. Enter: the social credit system. I know, I know, it sounds like Orwell’s side hustle mixed with Zuckerberg’s fever dream. But maybe—just maybe—if people started getting real-time consequences for turning their living room into a low-rent rave dungeon, we’d finally see some evolution.
Imagine it: “Oh, sorry Dave, looks like you can’t get into that sushi bar tonight. You blasted Fast & Furious 7 at 2AM and your downstairs neighbour developed a twitch.” Consequence. Feedback loop. Maybe even a hint of societal structure—gasp.
Right now, the system protects the loud, the obnoxious, and the emotionally underdeveloped. You complain? You’re “difficult.” You lose your mind after months of bass-driven psychological warfare? “Oh, just ignore it.” NO. How about they get ignored—digitally. Financially. Socially. Want to play war drums at midnight? Cool, enjoy your one-star rating and the lifetime subscription to social irrelevance.
This isn’t about control. It’s about cosmic justice. You don’t get to act like a simian in heat with a sound system and still walk around like you’re a functioning citizen of society. Actions need weight. And if shame won’t do it, maybe losing your next Amazon delivery will.
Welcome to the multiverse, morons. You earn your peace by not being a walking noise violation.
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