Just when you think the inventory is settled and the spirits are at peace, someone enters the chat with a requirements list that sounds like a deleted scene from a low-budget sorcery flick. Apparently, some people believe Onyx Dragon isn’t just a place for high-quality coffee and holistic goods, but a front for an international black-market spell component ring.
Welcome to Volume 17, where we discuss the logistics of magical sports equipment.
The Transcript:
Customer: Hello. I was told that you would be able to assist me in finding a crystallised panther foot. Is this something you have?
Customer: Its to enchant a spell to make a client’s ball self aware.
Onyx Dragon: Good afternoon. I am afraid that is something we are unable to assist in finding.
Customer: Do you not have access to the Mongolian witches shop? My source says you did?
Onyx Dragon: Unfortunately, your source is incorrect and I do not have access to such a witches shop.
Customer: Okay… do you know of a location i could source one?
Onyx Dragon: I don’t know of any location where you would be able to source one.
Customer: Perhaps if I offered a hydrogenated gecko tail. You might be able to source it? The client is willing to pay top dollar for this football.
Customer: We might be able to do a tigers foot? Not sure if the enchantment is that compatible? Still needs to be crystallised though.
Onyx Dragon: I’m fairly certain a tiger’s foot would be a major compatibility issue for a standard football. Regardless, we don’t carry those either. We only sell the products listed on the website.
The Aftermath:
I have several questions, but the main one is: who is this “source” telling people I have a direct line to a Mongolian witch shop?
Furthermore, we need to talk about the “hydrogenated gecko tail.” Hydrogenation is a process used to treat fats and oils (think margarine), so I can only assume this person is trying to trade me a very specific, shelf-stable reptilian snack in exchange for illegal animal parts.
For the record, a tiger’s foot is roughly the size of a dinner plate. If you are trying to make a football self-aware, the physical “compatibility” of a tiger’s paw attached to a Mitre Delta is the least of your worries.
We remain fully stocked on coffee and incense. We remain at zero stock for crystallised paws. Sorry to the football.
#LiveChatFail #RetailHumour #OnyxDragon #SentientFootball #OccultMistakes #CustomerService #MongolianWitches #WeirdRetail #HolisticLife #CoffeeAndChaos