So, here’s the deal. Onyx Dragon has spent countless hours picking out the finest ethically sourced coffees, creating blends worthy of a dragon’s breath (we’re talking Azure Dragon Blend and Dragon’s Velvet Brew, people), and curating teas that could make even the busiest person pause for a moment of Zen (yes, we mean you, Chamomile). We’ve got everything ready, packaged up, and looking all pretty on our website, yet the sales…well, let’s just say they need a little nudge. And by “nudge,” we mean a full-on motivational speech, possibly with fireworks.
Let’s talk about the tea and coffee subscriptions, shall we? How do we get more of you lovely humans to sign up for regular doses of deliciousness? Because, honestly, the subscription thing is like having a Netflix account but for your caffeine fix. So why isn’t it taking off like the latest TikTok trend? Maybe it’s because… we love instant coffee.
Yes, you read that correctly. Instant coffee. It’s like the country’s guilty pleasure—smooth, fast, no-fuss, and don’t even think about grinding beans. The nation has spoken, and it seems they prefer their coffee to come in a tiny jar, with zero effort. It’s like instant gratification in a cup. You add water, and boom, you’re drinking your “coffee” in under a minute. Is this where we’ve come as a society?
Meanwhile, we’ve got bags of high-quality, ethically sourced beans sitting in our warehouse, all lonely, just waiting to be ground and brewed into something glorious. But nope, instant coffee is still the one making its way into your cupboards. We get it; we’re all busy. But seriously, we know our Volcanic Drake Blend could give you a caffeine high that would make even a sloth want to run a marathon. We’re just saying—why settle for instant when you could have a cup of something so good, it could make your taste buds do a happy dance?
Oh, and let’s not forget that instant coffee often has chicory in it—yes, chicory, which is a coffee substitute. So, in reality, when you’re sipping that “instant coffee,” you’re possibly drinking something that’s more chicory than coffee. But don’t worry, we’ve got your back here at Onyx Dragon. Our beans are the real deal—no substitutes, no shortcuts, just pure, unadulterated coffee goodness.
But here’s where it gets a little frustrating. I feel like I’m banging my head against a wall trying to get more tea and coffee sales. People tell me all the time how amazing the coffee smells, how they’re totally going to have a look at the website, and then… crickets. Seriously, it’s like they vanish into thin air. Don’t get me wrong—I love hearing that the smell is making waves, but a wave of sales would be even better. It’s like I’m running a secret tea-and-coffee club, and no one’s told me the password yet.
So, what must we do to get more sales? Well, maybe we should start offering “Instant Gourmet Coffee”—just add water and bam! You’re drinking our ethically sourced beans, without the grinding, without the brewing, without even a teaspoon. Call it “Magic Beans” or something. Maybe we’ll even throw in a free 5-minute tutorial on how to “brew” the perfect cup… wait, no. That might defeat the whole point of “instant.”
But jokes aside, we really do want to grow our tea and coffee family. We want everyone to have a chance to experience the Dragon’s Velvet Brew or our single-origin coffees. So if you know any secret tea-loving or coffee-obsessed groups who could use a little Onyx Dragon in their lives, send them our way! And if you’re still loyal to your instant coffee habit—well, that’s okay. We’ll just quietly be over here, perfecting the art of coffee so good, it might just change your mind.
And don’t forget: subscriptions. They’re like your caffeine fix on auto-pilot. Who doesn’t want that?
Cheers (with a real cup of coffee, obviously),
Onyx Dragon
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